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July 9th 1803-- it is really a cruel fate that imposes on me perpetual pain, after life has for ever lost to me all of pleasure. I possess nothing of which I fear to be deprived, I hope nothing in which I dread disappointment I suffer nothing on my own account that I care for, -- for I have abandoned myself to the Hell that surrounds me & struggle no longer with my torments; -- I have no bodily pain no mental remorse -- yet with all the ordinary inlets of sorrow barred, with all the usual sources of [[underline]] fear [[/underline]] & [[underline]] hope [[/underline]] dried up, I am condemned to endure agonies of mind sharpened in some nameless forge of meaner torture;
