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I foresaw yr absence would deprive me of the solace I had derived from yr love -- tho' it could not enfeeble my remembrance of you & yet it was I who urged yr departure & caused our seperation -- but what stubborn conflicts did I go thro' with my dearest wishes, ere I could obey the voice of Reason & the reward of my victory is regret & sorrow. I could not but perceive you more formed to be happier, than I could make you & I won from you the consent to our seperating which divorced me from happiness & left me to misery & myself.